The Glorious Fuckstew
by MewCoyote
Summary: In which Karkat, Terezi, and Dave become a thing. Somehow. No one really knows. My little fic for Polyshipping Day


It started, as most crazy ideas did, with Terezi.

Karkat, Terezi and I were chilling with the Mayor, Karkat was being a useless lump, Terezi was abusing her lap privilages with her fucking elbows. Ya know, the usual.

Terezi eyed the two of us like pieces of meat or candy or something and said, with all the lead-up of suprise sex, "Why can't I have both of you?"

Karkat instantly went into OMGRELATIONSHIPS mode, but Terezi shut that down with a hand to his mouth.

"Really. It's not like anyone would make a fuss over it. We're on a fucking meteor for gog's sake. You two like each other, you both like me, and I like both of you, so what's the problem?"

It took Rose all of a day to figure out what we were up to.

tentacleTherapist has begun chumming with turntechGodhead

TT: Dave, it has come to my attention that you, Terezi, and Karkat have decided to enter into a polyamourous relationship.

TG: shit

TG: our clusterfuck has a name

TG: other ppl do this kinda deviant shit?

TT: Well, I sincerly doubt that you could find many humans more deviant than Terezi, present company excluded.

TT: But yes. Back on Earth, polyamourous relationships were common enough to be noticed by the internet.

TG: sweet

TG: i call not it on explaining this to karkitten

TG: im suprised he didnt bitch more tbh

TG: hes the relationship expert

TT: I would guess that he realized that such a relationship would be mutually beneficial to all participants.

TG: tru

TG: i know hes wanted in tzs pants for forever

TG: i mean

TG: can you blame him

TG: tzs ass is like

TG: as hot as the green sun

TG: maybe hotter

TT: Dave?

TG: what

TT: Please shut up.

TG: nah

TT: I merely wish to say "Congratulations" and, "If you fuck this up I'm not bailing you out."

TT: However, due to your lack of restrain, I'm going to have to rescind my "Congratulations." Goodbye.

tentacleTherapist has ceased chumming with turntechGodhead

TG: rose

TG: gdi

TG: flighty broads

TG: always gotta have the last word

turntechGodhead has ceased chumming with tentacleTherapist

"Has Rose shut up yet? I was promised cuddle time."

A sigh of relief left my (perfect) lips. "Yeah, thank god. She ollied out like a typical flighty broad. At least Tezizzle tends to be a bit better at not leaving mid-rant."

His face was incredulous, totally disbelieving. "Tezizzle? WTF Strider? Did Rose remove your brain with her tentacles, or did it never exist?" Ouch.

I decided the best way to shut up Karkat was to kiss him.

He was alien. It dimly occured to me this was my first real kiss with a living person. His lips were warm, parting slightly, first in suprise, then to contribute. One hand tangled in my hair, the other grabbed my shirt and pulled me close. I wrapped my arms around his neck, kissing him sloppily, breathing in his scent and oh god was he always this good a kisser or did I just have no standards? (I hoped it was the former. It was probably the later. He got better.)

When we broke apart, he was panting. I probably was too. Terezi (when the hell did she get in there fuck was I distracted) cackled at us, then glomped Karkat.

She spent the rest of the night "tasting" us. It was pretty fucking awesome, if I may say so myself.

The best part of our crazy little thing was the banter, the way Karkat and I would cut at each other until Terezi sighed and called us both morons and told us to make out until we calmed down. (The make-outs usually just got us horny, but she liked that, so we didn't question it too much.) She was the glue that held us together, the ice cream between our cookies, the pod to our peas, the bubbles in our candy-red soda, the mediator and the boss all in one.

Still is, really.

gallowsCalibrator opened memo "W4TCH4 DO1NG?"

turntechGodhead joined memo "W4TCH4 DO1NG?"

carcinoGeneticist joined memo "W4TCH4 DO1NG?"

GC: WH4T COULD H4V3 PROVOK3D SUCH R4P1D TYP1NG FROM TH3 COOLK1D?

CG: HE'S NOT COOL, TEREZI.

GC: H3H3H3

TG: oh ya know

TG: just reflecting

TG: thinking

TG: about us

TG: how the fuck us happened

CG: IF YOU POST THAT ANYWHERE I WILL NOT HESITATE TO RIP OFF YOUR STUPID HUMAN BULGE AND SHOVE IT UP YOUR ASS SO FAR IT COMES OUT YOUR MOUTH.

GC: H4H4H4H4H4H4H4H4 :]

Yeah I spread that shit around the meteor like a fucking wildfire during a drought.

The "punishment" Terezi doled out was totally worth it.


End file.
